Penalty Box

This year my life is about moving forward, onward and upward to bigger and better things.  In doing that I have decided that people who are not supportive of this process need to be punished.  I place them in a "penalty box."  Sometimes the penalty box is glass and sometimes it is cement.  Now the penalty box is not necessarily permanent, but if someone says something that I feel is not supportive, I will not acknowledge it and need a bit of a break from said person.  

I find that in taking a little break from that person, I am able to put their comments into perspective, and more often than not I discover that the problem has little to do with me.  Normally it is an issue that they have.  So I am putting myself in their shoes, in a way that any caring friend would.  

This goes for men in my life as well.  If they are not acting in a way that I find appropriate for someone that I want in my life, I place them in said penalty box.  This may mean that I do not respond to their texts/phone calls right away.  (Advice I got from my father btw.)  It may mean more than that.  But it always means letting them know I am unhappy with their behavior, not in a big way, but matter of fact. This prevents me from holding something in and blowing up later about the 25 things that I didn't like previously.  It also allows me to think about things, put myself in their shoes, and understand where they might be coming from.  

At first I thought the penalty box was about the people around me not acting right, but the more I think about it I find that it is about me.  About understanding the people in my life and the struggles they may have without trying to change them.  Just letting them be, in the penalty box or otherwise.   

Vendor places.

Ven-dor place- noun A particular portion or space in which a person or agency that sells takes my ex boyfriend to eat a meal.  Typically a high end establishment that serves heavy, rich food and drink that is not inexpensive, but very tasty.  

The above term is one that I am sure you have not heard before.  I had not heard it until about 2.5 years ago when I suggested having a Saturday night meal at a place that did not serve from the counter or was not a bar.  These said "vendor places" included anything from BRC to Pappa's even my favorite restaurant, The Daily Review.  Now if it was my birthday we would go to a "vendor place," but before hand the conversation would be "How much is this gonna cost me?" and/or after there would be complaints about how much it had cost.  

So you can imagine my delight when my date last night suggested we have dinner at Fleming's Steakhouse just because it was Wednesday and I wanted red wine.  I was almost down right flustered in the beginning, I think my shock showed, but I relaxed soon enough.  We ordered appetizers, amazing wine, and dessert.  He made a reservation, it was the most refreshing and delightful evening I have had in a long time.  It didn't matter what we ate, I don't think I remember how my steak tasted, but I know how special I felt and how much I enjoyed myself.  I didn't hear a peep about what it cost, only "I had a fun dinner with you tonight, enjoyed the company," because isn't that the most important thing.

What do you say??

Like many women, I have a difficult time saying the word "no."  It isn't easy for most of us.  And this week I am encountering a lot of situations in which I need to be saying "no," but am having a tough time doing so.  
For example, what do you say when someone is sitting in front of you and says "Am I invited?"  Of course, you have no idea what to do and you just spit out "Of course." or "Why wouldn't you be?" or some other thing you aren't really sure that you mean in an overly enthusiastic tone.  I know some of my friends have passed the blame and you have even passed the blame on to me which I don't mind a bit.  Maybe you can teach me a thing or two and I will start passing blame on to you.
This afternoon, my biggest client called me to tell me that she would like to set me up with one of her coworkers.  Now I will be the first to tell you that I love a good set up.  I have met many a good man through my friends.  I always find it flattering that my friends think enough of me to set me up with their friends.  I also think that these people will have similar values and ideals as my friend whom of course has similar ones to me.  The key word here is friends.   I am not one to mix business with romance.  In fact I enjoy dating people completely outside my industry just because I don't need anyone telling me how to do my job.  I also don't want to know if he is not good at his job.  Let's hope he is, but you never know.  I also know the personality types of everyone in my industry.  This gentleman is what we call a "creative," the flakiest of all advertising professionals.  One minute they will be designing your billboards and the next they will be on a tropical island wearing a loin cloth beating a drum unfinished billboard left behind.  I repeat, they cannot be counted on.  So how do you say "Thanks, but no thanks."  In this case, I opted for "Currently, my dance card is very full, but I am always open to meeting new people platonic or otherwise."
I do feel there was a more firm response.  I will work on that.   In the meantime I will try to think of polite reasons not to meet this person.  Suggestions welcome....