Finding the butt.

A few weeks ago my friend Allison forced me to go to an Aggie happy hour with her.  I really didn't want to go, but I threw on jeans and a tshirt and showed up.  It was almost instantaneous, that a young eligible gentleman approached me, bought me a drink, and chatted with me until after 10pm.  I even forgot to eat, and that never happens.  When I told him I was leaving he asked if he could get my number and take me out sometime, I obliged this very handsome tax attorney.  
He waited the appropriate two days to call, and call he did (i.e. not text), to ask me out for the following Wednesday, one week after our meeting.  We called me the day before to tell me where we were going and asked if he could pick me up.  We dined at a beautiful Italian wine bar with the largest meat and cheese plate I have ever partaken in.  He made his move towards the end of the meal, I must boast on his kissing skills here.  I kept wondering, what was wrong with this guy, where was the 'but'?  
On date two I figured it out when he told me about his dog, Otis, a poodle mix, I instantly think there's a story.  I am actually very proud of my line of questioning here as I did my best to channel my friend Katie Kervin err I mean Couric.  I asked him how long he had Otis (7 years), I said "Well that would be difficult starting out as a new associate training a dog like that all on your own..."  He says "Well I got him with my ex."  Bingo!  I then proceeded to ask how long they were together (9 years), and how long they had been apart...4 weeks.  Let's keep in mind that I have already known this eligible man for one week.  Yikes!  I changed my line of questioning when he began to explain himself because at that point I didn't want to know any more about it.  I guess I found the 'but.'
On our third date I learned that they had not worked out an arrangement for Otis and were still doing some sort of shared custody thing that I didn't like the idea of.  But at this point it is none of my business.
On our fourth date we went to Dolce Vita for pizza, we were sitting upstairs and split a bottle of wine, it was a lovely evening.  As we were leaving my wooden shoe slipped on the wooden stairs, feet went straight out from under me, and I promptly landed on my butt, HARD.  One week later my butt still hurts, and it is possible that my tailbone might be broken.  I certainly found my butt.  

You're so vain...You probably think this post is about you.

I finally stopped leaving food out for SFC (Stage Five Clinger), but that hasn't really stopped him.  Despite me not responding throughout my long weekend he continued to text me and/or call me daily, sometimes even sending song lyrics and YouTube videos.  Finally I had to send this text...

"There is nothing to talk about.  I think you are a great guy and I wish you all the best just not with me."

The following weekend he proceeds to send me Facebook messages, and then tells me that he didn't actually send them.  He told me he lost his phone while I was in "Nantucket," and that someone is messaging me from his phone that went missing.  When I suggested that he change his Facebook password he told me not to "be a bitch."  (This is about the time I stopped responding to him.)  My friend Amy and I decide that this cannot possibly be true and she drafts the below response, that I never sent.

"How were you able to get a new phone so quick.  If you lost is Saturday night?  And then were at brunch by noon on Sunday.  You know stores don't open til noon as well on Sunday?  Also what is even more crazy as that when you got that new iPhone magically on a Sunday morning the old phone would have deactivated.  That's right only one SIM card per number.  Story Fail!"

She then posted the below link onto my Facebook...

http://mashable.com/2012/08/14/facebook-annoying/

And suggesting that number 21 be "lying about a stolen phone to cover up drunk messaging."  

SFC responds by defriending Amy and posting numerous posts about the guy that stole his phone.  He also texted me and asked why I was making fun of him.  

The following weekend another friend posts about a voicemail left and he begins a Facebook comment war with my suitor because he thinks that every thing I post is about him.  Luckily my former suitor despite having been cyber bullied decides to end the tennis match.  Unlike you, SFC, not everything on my Facebook page is about you.  

It seems this young man in addition to all of his feelings and analyzing of things he also had a lot of insecurities.  Not unlike many sixteen year old girls I know.  I was not mean to this guy, but he sure does blame me for everything.  I cannot speak for you, but the next time a frown man reminds you of a sixteen year old woman, it is time to run in the other direction. To once again quote Mike Jackson, I am still picking up the shit in my backyard.  

When your life give you a stomach ache, it's time to leave town...

I am sitting in the airport early in the morning ready to get to Newport, RI where I will be spending my weekend with people that I love.  Friends that bring me many blessings daily.  I am one lucky girl because not everyone has this, and I know that this is all I need.  However, many men in my life feel that I must need more and are all ready to jump into my life in whatever way they see fit.

My stage five clinger has only gotten worse.  Every time I try to end things with him, he says something along the lines of "Thanks for telling me what I did wrong, I promise to do better."  We attended in Astro's game together last night prior to I mentioned that I was hungry, so he proceeded to bring me bacon wrapped quail with wine to drink and eat on the five minute drive to Minute Maid Park.  He once again brought up my suitor, asking me why I thought my suitor liked my Facebook status, and blurting out, "I cannot take you to Hawaii."  (I never told him my suitor took me to Hawaii, it seems he stalked my Facebook and Instagram to find out that little gem.)

Speaking of my suitor, he has been on the horn recently letting me know how he screwed up and misses me etc etc blah blah.  Of course he misses me, I am going to Newport with all our friends, he could've been there too, with me.  The girl he left me for dumped him like a bad habit, so he is lonely, more blah blah.

I think men love a chase and I am going to let them keep running as I will be spending this weekend away from male distractions with friends that I love in one of my favorite places!  Here is to getting rid of this stomach ache!  See ya' later Houston!

Stage Five Clinger

As some of you may recall I went on a date last Friday, that I felt very positively about.  Turns out, he did too.  And told me how beautiful and wonderful I was all night long.  This was fun for a minute.  After about a day of this, it was no longer fun.  It got a little obsessive.  When he repeatedly called and texted on Saturday night I got a bit worried.  As I am sure you can imagine there was a lot of hand holding and starring into my eyes on our second date.  This was Sunday night, as he was out of town for work the following week.  During his work trip he called me nightly, at the end of the week he said this was the best week of his life because he got to talk to me every night.  He also told me that he didn't want to see other people, after six whole days.  I told him I didn't think that was a good idea.  I proceeded to Dallas for a little time away (phew).  During my trip to Dallas, my stage 5 clinger (as we began to call him) called and texted some and I was feeling like he had "let go," a little bit.  Until Saturday night that is.  He called me during the wedding I was at, knowing I was at a wedding, texted numerous times, and then at 2 am left me a minute and a half long voicemail that went a little something like this...

"I am just calling to tell you that you are AMAZING...It's like a little bubble goes off in my head saying, you are AMAZING...like WOW...WOW...I just wanted you to know that I know that you are AMAZING..."  It kept going.  (Jennifer I am sad you didn't hear this one.)  Now I do find it flattering, so I had a difficult time pinpointing this.  His desperation comes off as incredibly unattractive, but I think more than anything I have no respect for someone who can carry on like this after only 14 days of knowing me.  I also think there is a possibility of him turning a bit possessive.
That being said, I set out to end this thing, and when I told him that he was freaking me out, he responds by telling me that he only needs to see me one day a week.  I think "Ok, this can work.  I like hanging out with him."  Once he sees me one day, Wednesday, he asks if I would like to go get ice cream on Friday for my "half birthday."  I respond, "It's my half birthday??"  I had no idea, but he did.  So I decided on Friday that I would take half a day off work, eat half a sandwich for lunch, then drink half a bottle of wine for dinner, kidding. I did humor him and meet up with him for a quick drink.  He then wanted to make plans for Saturday, wanting to come over after the wedding I went to, calling repeatedly Saturday night.  And again on Sunday, when I said no he tried again for Tuesday.  It seems he lied about only needing to see me once a week.  I am not sure where to go from here, but I will leave you with an old proverb that I borrowed from one of my avid blog readers.
If you don't want the animal to shit in your backyard, you have to quit leaving food out for it.
-Mike Jackson

First Dates.

First dates, blind or otherwise, are the most positive things.  Meeting a new person is just filled with so much possibility.  When a friend of mine asked to set me up with a guy and I said yes, I was suddenly filled with a lot of hope.

Side note: I do want to add how much I enjoy set ups.  I think they are excellent ways to meet people with like minded ideals, obviously this depends on the person who is setting you up, but hopefully it is a friend you trust.  I met Mr Suitor through a set up.  If you can count, "He's single.  You're single.  You should talk." as a set up.  Okay, maybe that isn't the best example, point is, I appreciate all friend set ups.  

Now I am not saying that this guy I am meeting for happy hour on Friday night will be my husband nor do I know if we will even like each other.  It may not really even be classified as a date, more of a "meeting."  I have no unrealistic expectations other than the joy of connecting with another human being in a positive way.  I look forward to learning about him, his views, and possibly learning something from him and or this experience.  As long as I believe that first dates/meetings are filled with hope and excitement, I will continue to be able to learn from my experiences and see the silver linings in all or most situations.  

First Dates=HOPE

Firemen.

It is my personal belief that every girl/woman should date a fireman or whatever your fantasy is, maybe you like a man in uniform, you all have one.  At some point you should experience that if you are lucky enough for the opportunity to be presented to you.  I have always been partial to the man with the fire hose.  

This is why, when I met Greg the fireman out on a Friday night, I did not hesitate to give him my phone number despite the fact that he lived in Florida and had to leave the next morning unfortunately we did not get to spend much time together.  I was unsure that he would call, but he did.  For a month or so we carried on a phone relationship, texting mostly, with the occasional phone call.  His best friend was a pilot for United so he had the means to travel free of charge to visit me.  So we talked about this visit a lot, and there was a lot of buildup.  Very exciting and sexy.  I even called in sick to work the day of his arrival, I was so excited!  We went to the zoo that day and then he took a Jiu Jitsu class with my coworker Mike Jackson who moonlights as a purple belt instructor.  I was relieved by this because I finally had some time on my own, friends of mine were asking how the trip was going, and I could sum up my feelings with this, "He hasn't even been here 24 hours and it feels like he has been here a week."  I was struggling and I couldn't put my finger on it but something wasn't right, sure enough I was about to learn that fantasy does not equal reality.  

The next day we met his friends for happy hour, and my friends were to come meet up later in the evening.  I suppose we started pretty early, so by the time my friends arrived, he was well over served.  He proceeded to hit on my friends, steal glasses from a bar we were at, and then ended up getting arrested and going to jail.  Of course I was very unhappy with this development.  And after 24 hours in the tank he called and left a voicemail that I wish I had saved, it went something like this.  "So I am guessing you never want to talk to me again, but I do want to apologize..."  He was right.  So ladies, when you are imagining your fantasy make sure he is the one outside of the bars, not behind them.  

One year later, what I've learned.

I am the most single I have been in almost five years.  It feels pretty good to do things on my own and I have grown to enjoy a lot of the time I spend with me.  In my relationship I was constantly wondering what my boyfriend was doing, I had many a sleepless night because he would disappear, often lying about his whereabouts the next day.  I find that I sleep better now that these things are no longer my problem.  
So when almost three years to the day of meeting my ex and one year to the day of us breaking up one can imagine my shock in finding out he was engaged to the woman he cheated on me with.  The woman he swore he broke off contact with, the woman he swore he had not reached out to after us breaking up, the woman he swore he hadn't been physical.  I remember many an argument and how he would say he didn't understand why I didn't/couldn't trust him.  He suggested I get into therapy that my trust issue was a problem I needed to work on.  
He was right, I did have a trust issue.  I didn't trust myself.  The person I know better than anyone.  The person that will always be there for me.  I knew he was lying to me and I convinced myself otherwise because I didn't love or trust myself enough to listen to what was right for me.  
So after hearing the news of my exes engagement, I had one more sleepless night, one last time for Chris to cause me to lose sleep.  The next day, thanks to the help of one or a few amazing friends, I was able to realize what I have learned one year later.  It's time for trust and love, not necessarily for others, but for myself.  I am the one who knows what is right and wrong for me, I am an excellent judge of character, and I am worthy of that trust and love.