Stage Five Clinger

As some of you may recall I went on a date last Friday, that I felt very positively about.  Turns out, he did too.  And told me how beautiful and wonderful I was all night long.  This was fun for a minute.  After about a day of this, it was no longer fun.  It got a little obsessive.  When he repeatedly called and texted on Saturday night I got a bit worried.  As I am sure you can imagine there was a lot of hand holding and starring into my eyes on our second date.  This was Sunday night, as he was out of town for work the following week.  During his work trip he called me nightly, at the end of the week he said this was the best week of his life because he got to talk to me every night.  He also told me that he didn't want to see other people, after six whole days.  I told him I didn't think that was a good idea.  I proceeded to Dallas for a little time away (phew).  During my trip to Dallas, my stage 5 clinger (as we began to call him) called and texted some and I was feeling like he had "let go," a little bit.  Until Saturday night that is.  He called me during the wedding I was at, knowing I was at a wedding, texted numerous times, and then at 2 am left me a minute and a half long voicemail that went a little something like this...

"I am just calling to tell you that you are AMAZING...It's like a little bubble goes off in my head saying, you are AMAZING...like WOW...WOW...I just wanted you to know that I know that you are AMAZING..."  It kept going.  (Jennifer I am sad you didn't hear this one.)  Now I do find it flattering, so I had a difficult time pinpointing this.  His desperation comes off as incredibly unattractive, but I think more than anything I have no respect for someone who can carry on like this after only 14 days of knowing me.  I also think there is a possibility of him turning a bit possessive.
That being said, I set out to end this thing, and when I told him that he was freaking me out, he responds by telling me that he only needs to see me one day a week.  I think "Ok, this can work.  I like hanging out with him."  Once he sees me one day, Wednesday, he asks if I would like to go get ice cream on Friday for my "half birthday."  I respond, "It's my half birthday??"  I had no idea, but he did.  So I decided on Friday that I would take half a day off work, eat half a sandwich for lunch, then drink half a bottle of wine for dinner, kidding. I did humor him and meet up with him for a quick drink.  He then wanted to make plans for Saturday, wanting to come over after the wedding I went to, calling repeatedly Saturday night.  And again on Sunday, when I said no he tried again for Tuesday.  It seems he lied about only needing to see me once a week.  I am not sure where to go from here, but I will leave you with an old proverb that I borrowed from one of my avid blog readers.
If you don't want the animal to shit in your backyard, you have to quit leaving food out for it.
-Mike Jackson

First Dates.

First dates, blind or otherwise, are the most positive things.  Meeting a new person is just filled with so much possibility.  When a friend of mine asked to set me up with a guy and I said yes, I was suddenly filled with a lot of hope.

Side note: I do want to add how much I enjoy set ups.  I think they are excellent ways to meet people with like minded ideals, obviously this depends on the person who is setting you up, but hopefully it is a friend you trust.  I met Mr Suitor through a set up.  If you can count, "He's single.  You're single.  You should talk." as a set up.  Okay, maybe that isn't the best example, point is, I appreciate all friend set ups.  

Now I am not saying that this guy I am meeting for happy hour on Friday night will be my husband nor do I know if we will even like each other.  It may not really even be classified as a date, more of a "meeting."  I have no unrealistic expectations other than the joy of connecting with another human being in a positive way.  I look forward to learning about him, his views, and possibly learning something from him and or this experience.  As long as I believe that first dates/meetings are filled with hope and excitement, I will continue to be able to learn from my experiences and see the silver linings in all or most situations.  

First Dates=HOPE

Firemen.

It is my personal belief that every girl/woman should date a fireman or whatever your fantasy is, maybe you like a man in uniform, you all have one.  At some point you should experience that if you are lucky enough for the opportunity to be presented to you.  I have always been partial to the man with the fire hose.  

This is why, when I met Greg the fireman out on a Friday night, I did not hesitate to give him my phone number despite the fact that he lived in Florida and had to leave the next morning unfortunately we did not get to spend much time together.  I was unsure that he would call, but he did.  For a month or so we carried on a phone relationship, texting mostly, with the occasional phone call.  His best friend was a pilot for United so he had the means to travel free of charge to visit me.  So we talked about this visit a lot, and there was a lot of buildup.  Very exciting and sexy.  I even called in sick to work the day of his arrival, I was so excited!  We went to the zoo that day and then he took a Jiu Jitsu class with my coworker Mike Jackson who moonlights as a purple belt instructor.  I was relieved by this because I finally had some time on my own, friends of mine were asking how the trip was going, and I could sum up my feelings with this, "He hasn't even been here 24 hours and it feels like he has been here a week."  I was struggling and I couldn't put my finger on it but something wasn't right, sure enough I was about to learn that fantasy does not equal reality.  

The next day we met his friends for happy hour, and my friends were to come meet up later in the evening.  I suppose we started pretty early, so by the time my friends arrived, he was well over served.  He proceeded to hit on my friends, steal glasses from a bar we were at, and then ended up getting arrested and going to jail.  Of course I was very unhappy with this development.  And after 24 hours in the tank he called and left a voicemail that I wish I had saved, it went something like this.  "So I am guessing you never want to talk to me again, but I do want to apologize..."  He was right.  So ladies, when you are imagining your fantasy make sure he is the one outside of the bars, not behind them.  

One year later, what I've learned.

I am the most single I have been in almost five years.  It feels pretty good to do things on my own and I have grown to enjoy a lot of the time I spend with me.  In my relationship I was constantly wondering what my boyfriend was doing, I had many a sleepless night because he would disappear, often lying about his whereabouts the next day.  I find that I sleep better now that these things are no longer my problem.  
So when almost three years to the day of meeting my ex and one year to the day of us breaking up one can imagine my shock in finding out he was engaged to the woman he cheated on me with.  The woman he swore he broke off contact with, the woman he swore he had not reached out to after us breaking up, the woman he swore he hadn't been physical.  I remember many an argument and how he would say he didn't understand why I didn't/couldn't trust him.  He suggested I get into therapy that my trust issue was a problem I needed to work on.  
He was right, I did have a trust issue.  I didn't trust myself.  The person I know better than anyone.  The person that will always be there for me.  I knew he was lying to me and I convinced myself otherwise because I didn't love or trust myself enough to listen to what was right for me.  
So after hearing the news of my exes engagement, I had one more sleepless night, one last time for Chris to cause me to lose sleep.  The next day, thanks to the help of one or a few amazing friends, I was able to realize what I have learned one year later.  It's time for trust and love, not necessarily for others, but for myself.  I am the one who knows what is right and wrong for me, I am an excellent judge of character, and I am worthy of that trust and love.