Finding the butt.

A few weeks ago my friend Allison forced me to go to an Aggie happy hour with her.  I really didn't want to go, but I threw on jeans and a tshirt and showed up.  It was almost instantaneous, that a young eligible gentleman approached me, bought me a drink, and chatted with me until after 10pm.  I even forgot to eat, and that never happens.  When I told him I was leaving he asked if he could get my number and take me out sometime, I obliged this very handsome tax attorney.  
He waited the appropriate two days to call, and call he did (i.e. not text), to ask me out for the following Wednesday, one week after our meeting.  We called me the day before to tell me where we were going and asked if he could pick me up.  We dined at a beautiful Italian wine bar with the largest meat and cheese plate I have ever partaken in.  He made his move towards the end of the meal, I must boast on his kissing skills here.  I kept wondering, what was wrong with this guy, where was the 'but'?  
On date two I figured it out when he told me about his dog, Otis, a poodle mix, I instantly think there's a story.  I am actually very proud of my line of questioning here as I did my best to channel my friend Katie Kervin err I mean Couric.  I asked him how long he had Otis (7 years), I said "Well that would be difficult starting out as a new associate training a dog like that all on your own..."  He says "Well I got him with my ex."  Bingo!  I then proceeded to ask how long they were together (9 years), and how long they had been apart...4 weeks.  Let's keep in mind that I have already known this eligible man for one week.  Yikes!  I changed my line of questioning when he began to explain himself because at that point I didn't want to know any more about it.  I guess I found the 'but.'
On our third date I learned that they had not worked out an arrangement for Otis and were still doing some sort of shared custody thing that I didn't like the idea of.  But at this point it is none of my business.
On our fourth date we went to Dolce Vita for pizza, we were sitting upstairs and split a bottle of wine, it was a lovely evening.  As we were leaving my wooden shoe slipped on the wooden stairs, feet went straight out from under me, and I promptly landed on my butt, HARD.  One week later my butt still hurts, and it is possible that my tailbone might be broken.  I certainly found my butt.  

You're so vain...You probably think this post is about you.

I finally stopped leaving food out for SFC (Stage Five Clinger), but that hasn't really stopped him.  Despite me not responding throughout my long weekend he continued to text me and/or call me daily, sometimes even sending song lyrics and YouTube videos.  Finally I had to send this text...

"There is nothing to talk about.  I think you are a great guy and I wish you all the best just not with me."

The following weekend he proceeds to send me Facebook messages, and then tells me that he didn't actually send them.  He told me he lost his phone while I was in "Nantucket," and that someone is messaging me from his phone that went missing.  When I suggested that he change his Facebook password he told me not to "be a bitch."  (This is about the time I stopped responding to him.)  My friend Amy and I decide that this cannot possibly be true and she drafts the below response, that I never sent.

"How were you able to get a new phone so quick.  If you lost is Saturday night?  And then were at brunch by noon on Sunday.  You know stores don't open til noon as well on Sunday?  Also what is even more crazy as that when you got that new iPhone magically on a Sunday morning the old phone would have deactivated.  That's right only one SIM card per number.  Story Fail!"

She then posted the below link onto my Facebook...

http://mashable.com/2012/08/14/facebook-annoying/

And suggesting that number 21 be "lying about a stolen phone to cover up drunk messaging."  

SFC responds by defriending Amy and posting numerous posts about the guy that stole his phone.  He also texted me and asked why I was making fun of him.  

The following weekend another friend posts about a voicemail left and he begins a Facebook comment war with my suitor because he thinks that every thing I post is about him.  Luckily my former suitor despite having been cyber bullied decides to end the tennis match.  Unlike you, SFC, not everything on my Facebook page is about you.  

It seems this young man in addition to all of his feelings and analyzing of things he also had a lot of insecurities.  Not unlike many sixteen year old girls I know.  I was not mean to this guy, but he sure does blame me for everything.  I cannot speak for you, but the next time a frown man reminds you of a sixteen year old woman, it is time to run in the other direction. To once again quote Mike Jackson, I am still picking up the shit in my backyard.  

When your life give you a stomach ache, it's time to leave town...

I am sitting in the airport early in the morning ready to get to Newport, RI where I will be spending my weekend with people that I love.  Friends that bring me many blessings daily.  I am one lucky girl because not everyone has this, and I know that this is all I need.  However, many men in my life feel that I must need more and are all ready to jump into my life in whatever way they see fit.

My stage five clinger has only gotten worse.  Every time I try to end things with him, he says something along the lines of "Thanks for telling me what I did wrong, I promise to do better."  We attended in Astro's game together last night prior to I mentioned that I was hungry, so he proceeded to bring me bacon wrapped quail with wine to drink and eat on the five minute drive to Minute Maid Park.  He once again brought up my suitor, asking me why I thought my suitor liked my Facebook status, and blurting out, "I cannot take you to Hawaii."  (I never told him my suitor took me to Hawaii, it seems he stalked my Facebook and Instagram to find out that little gem.)

Speaking of my suitor, he has been on the horn recently letting me know how he screwed up and misses me etc etc blah blah.  Of course he misses me, I am going to Newport with all our friends, he could've been there too, with me.  The girl he left me for dumped him like a bad habit, so he is lonely, more blah blah.

I think men love a chase and I am going to let them keep running as I will be spending this weekend away from male distractions with friends that I love in one of my favorite places!  Here is to getting rid of this stomach ache!  See ya' later Houston!

Stage Five Clinger

As some of you may recall I went on a date last Friday, that I felt very positively about.  Turns out, he did too.  And told me how beautiful and wonderful I was all night long.  This was fun for a minute.  After about a day of this, it was no longer fun.  It got a little obsessive.  When he repeatedly called and texted on Saturday night I got a bit worried.  As I am sure you can imagine there was a lot of hand holding and starring into my eyes on our second date.  This was Sunday night, as he was out of town for work the following week.  During his work trip he called me nightly, at the end of the week he said this was the best week of his life because he got to talk to me every night.  He also told me that he didn't want to see other people, after six whole days.  I told him I didn't think that was a good idea.  I proceeded to Dallas for a little time away (phew).  During my trip to Dallas, my stage 5 clinger (as we began to call him) called and texted some and I was feeling like he had "let go," a little bit.  Until Saturday night that is.  He called me during the wedding I was at, knowing I was at a wedding, texted numerous times, and then at 2 am left me a minute and a half long voicemail that went a little something like this...

"I am just calling to tell you that you are AMAZING...It's like a little bubble goes off in my head saying, you are AMAZING...like WOW...WOW...I just wanted you to know that I know that you are AMAZING..."  It kept going.  (Jennifer I am sad you didn't hear this one.)  Now I do find it flattering, so I had a difficult time pinpointing this.  His desperation comes off as incredibly unattractive, but I think more than anything I have no respect for someone who can carry on like this after only 14 days of knowing me.  I also think there is a possibility of him turning a bit possessive.
That being said, I set out to end this thing, and when I told him that he was freaking me out, he responds by telling me that he only needs to see me one day a week.  I think "Ok, this can work.  I like hanging out with him."  Once he sees me one day, Wednesday, he asks if I would like to go get ice cream on Friday for my "half birthday."  I respond, "It's my half birthday??"  I had no idea, but he did.  So I decided on Friday that I would take half a day off work, eat half a sandwich for lunch, then drink half a bottle of wine for dinner, kidding. I did humor him and meet up with him for a quick drink.  He then wanted to make plans for Saturday, wanting to come over after the wedding I went to, calling repeatedly Saturday night.  And again on Sunday, when I said no he tried again for Tuesday.  It seems he lied about only needing to see me once a week.  I am not sure where to go from here, but I will leave you with an old proverb that I borrowed from one of my avid blog readers.
If you don't want the animal to shit in your backyard, you have to quit leaving food out for it.
-Mike Jackson

First Dates.

First dates, blind or otherwise, are the most positive things.  Meeting a new person is just filled with so much possibility.  When a friend of mine asked to set me up with a guy and I said yes, I was suddenly filled with a lot of hope.

Side note: I do want to add how much I enjoy set ups.  I think they are excellent ways to meet people with like minded ideals, obviously this depends on the person who is setting you up, but hopefully it is a friend you trust.  I met Mr Suitor through a set up.  If you can count, "He's single.  You're single.  You should talk." as a set up.  Okay, maybe that isn't the best example, point is, I appreciate all friend set ups.  

Now I am not saying that this guy I am meeting for happy hour on Friday night will be my husband nor do I know if we will even like each other.  It may not really even be classified as a date, more of a "meeting."  I have no unrealistic expectations other than the joy of connecting with another human being in a positive way.  I look forward to learning about him, his views, and possibly learning something from him and or this experience.  As long as I believe that first dates/meetings are filled with hope and excitement, I will continue to be able to learn from my experiences and see the silver linings in all or most situations.  

First Dates=HOPE

Firemen.

It is my personal belief that every girl/woman should date a fireman or whatever your fantasy is, maybe you like a man in uniform, you all have one.  At some point you should experience that if you are lucky enough for the opportunity to be presented to you.  I have always been partial to the man with the fire hose.  

This is why, when I met Greg the fireman out on a Friday night, I did not hesitate to give him my phone number despite the fact that he lived in Florida and had to leave the next morning unfortunately we did not get to spend much time together.  I was unsure that he would call, but he did.  For a month or so we carried on a phone relationship, texting mostly, with the occasional phone call.  His best friend was a pilot for United so he had the means to travel free of charge to visit me.  So we talked about this visit a lot, and there was a lot of buildup.  Very exciting and sexy.  I even called in sick to work the day of his arrival, I was so excited!  We went to the zoo that day and then he took a Jiu Jitsu class with my coworker Mike Jackson who moonlights as a purple belt instructor.  I was relieved by this because I finally had some time on my own, friends of mine were asking how the trip was going, and I could sum up my feelings with this, "He hasn't even been here 24 hours and it feels like he has been here a week."  I was struggling and I couldn't put my finger on it but something wasn't right, sure enough I was about to learn that fantasy does not equal reality.  

The next day we met his friends for happy hour, and my friends were to come meet up later in the evening.  I suppose we started pretty early, so by the time my friends arrived, he was well over served.  He proceeded to hit on my friends, steal glasses from a bar we were at, and then ended up getting arrested and going to jail.  Of course I was very unhappy with this development.  And after 24 hours in the tank he called and left a voicemail that I wish I had saved, it went something like this.  "So I am guessing you never want to talk to me again, but I do want to apologize..."  He was right.  So ladies, when you are imagining your fantasy make sure he is the one outside of the bars, not behind them.  

One year later, what I've learned.

I am the most single I have been in almost five years.  It feels pretty good to do things on my own and I have grown to enjoy a lot of the time I spend with me.  In my relationship I was constantly wondering what my boyfriend was doing, I had many a sleepless night because he would disappear, often lying about his whereabouts the next day.  I find that I sleep better now that these things are no longer my problem.  
So when almost three years to the day of meeting my ex and one year to the day of us breaking up one can imagine my shock in finding out he was engaged to the woman he cheated on me with.  The woman he swore he broke off contact with, the woman he swore he had not reached out to after us breaking up, the woman he swore he hadn't been physical.  I remember many an argument and how he would say he didn't understand why I didn't/couldn't trust him.  He suggested I get into therapy that my trust issue was a problem I needed to work on.  
He was right, I did have a trust issue.  I didn't trust myself.  The person I know better than anyone.  The person that will always be there for me.  I knew he was lying to me and I convinced myself otherwise because I didn't love or trust myself enough to listen to what was right for me.  
So after hearing the news of my exes engagement, I had one more sleepless night, one last time for Chris to cause me to lose sleep.  The next day, thanks to the help of one or a few amazing friends, I was able to realize what I have learned one year later.  It's time for trust and love, not necessarily for others, but for myself.  I am the one who knows what is right and wrong for me, I am an excellent judge of character, and I am worthy of that trust and love.  

The time I checked "being whisked away" off my bucket list.

The Lehua blossom unfolds when the rain treads on it. -Hawaiian Proverb

This was an amazing trip and an amazing gift for me, but there are bound to be some awkward moments when you are going on a spontaneous trip to Hawaii with someone who is your "suitor" and not your boyfriend or husband.  Here they are in my longest blog ever.  
Upon booking this trip to Hawaii I had minimal time to do so. It was done very quickly and with little thought.  Mr Suitor had given me his United password, but was ready to get out of town and I needed to leave work ASAP to meet him, plus the internet here at the office leaves a lot to be desired.  I got it done though.  I am going to Hawaii.
When we board out connecting flight in LA, he has been upgraded to first class.  He has generously paid to upgrade me to an exit row seat.  So we do not sit together.  I am going to Hawaii.  
Also in my flustered state I was unable to really pack a bag.  My suitor tells me to only pack flip flops and a swimsuit, that they have everything we need there.  He really wasn't even going to let me pack this much, but I was able to stop by my house using an argument for birth control.  So I only brought that and somehow managed to put a maxi dress and make up in my little bag. But that is about it.  I didn't mind washing my underpants in the sink nightly or buying a few clothes at Tommy Bahama that I likely will never wear again.  I am in Hawaii.
So here I am in paradise, I mean, WOW.  I am realizing that this is the most spontaneous thing that I have ever done.  I begin to panic in more ways than one.  This is not a big island and I know no one but my suitor whom I have never spent more than two nights in a row with.  YIKES!   On Friday we gather some supplies for the weekend and head off to the pool for the afternoon.  The pool is enormous and has minimal guests.  It is just beautiful.  We go out for some Mexican and margaritas that night. My suitor has all but shut down I assume to think about his work crisis so on Friday he says very little.  I  do have paradise to keep me company so I tell myself that he is going through a difficult time and I will manage. I am in Hawaii.
Saturday, is beach day.  Suitor drives me to the north side of the island so that I can see more of it.  It is such a beautiful place.  The drive is an hour, and it is lots of fun!  I keep seeing beaches and he says "Not pretty enough yet." so we keep driving.  Once we got there I realized he was right.  On the beach that afternoon Mr Suitor comes out of his funk and when we drive home I see a Hawaiian rainbow!  Check that one off the bucket list.  We pack up a picnic of wine and delicate cheeses to take up the hill to a little pavilion to watch the Hawaiian sunset.  We set up our little picnic and poured wine and everything then right out of a romantic comedy the sprinklers came on in full force.  We laughed and then moved everything over still had a wonderful evening.  When I saw this little pavilion I wanted to have a picnic up here for a "romantic date."  As he is driving us up the hill I am texting with my sweet friends back in Texas, and he asks about it.  I tell him a little and he says "They know this isn't a romantic getaway right??"  And of course my friends know that he is in work crisis.  I am so glad that we were able to clarify this right before our romantic date.  But I just ignore this and carry on because I am in Hawaii.  
The next day is Sunday departure day :(.  I am getting ready to go when my suitor informs me that in my flustered state on Thursday's departure I have booked the wrong ticket home.  I am leaving Monday and not Sunday.  This is not happy news.  We are unable to switch without paying a hefty sum and even then it would still be standby.  So I am stuck for one more day in Hawaii.  My suitor says "Well I am sorry that you are not stranded in Milwaukee or Detroit.  This could be worse Ana."  Right.  Another 24 hours in Hawaii.  There are worse things.
Mr Suitor says "Well at least I will be home when you get in on Tuesday."  
I say "Oh good, so you can pick me up at the airport."  
He looked at me as though I had just told him the earth was flat.  A stern conversation begins in which I tell him that I would have picked him up and he says I wouldn't then realizes I would because I have in fact done just that (on my birthday no less).  He says that he will pay for me a cab.  At this point, I don't really want him spending anymore money on me so I call in a favor to a friend.  Because I am no longer in Hawaii.

Bad dreams about Hawaii?..

Do you ever have that dream that you are late for a flight, you don't have everything you need, you can't find it, you miss your flight, or you are on an airplane without your things?  Some combination or variation?  It's always a pretty scary one for me.  Well I don't think I will be having it anymore.  Thursday morning I got a call from my suitor who is going through and exceptionally difficult time in his career asking if I would like to go to Hawaii.  His best friend lives there so he wants to get away for a bit.  Of course I say yes but he tells me I cannot pack a bag that we are leaving in two hours.  I am nervous.  My worst nightmare coming true.  But is it really a nightmare??  I'm going to Hawaii!   I walk out the door, call my boss from the airport and take some vacation days.  But I don't stop shaking until we are over the Pacific.   Now here I am in Hawaii without my things, but somehow it's not so bad.  I can think of no better way to conquer that fear.  

The time I dated a Democrat.

I am going to start doing a little blogging about my past life.  I am still dating, don't worry, but am lacking inspiration in the present so here we go.
I want to start by telling you that it was June in Houston.  This should tell you enough for you to understand this next part.  He had a house with a pool.  One of the only homes with a pool in the Heights.  Obviously I was willing to overlook this one democratic character flaw.  He was a very successful lawyer.  This was during my lawyer phase.
We have many intelligent conversations, he is a bit of a foodie, which I enjoy immensely in addition to the pool in the Heights.  We are able to be respectful of one another and our beliefs.  He shows me many new restaurants and I look pretty by his pool.  This goes on for about a month, during which I know this isn't going to last.  After a while, I discover he has more than one character flaw, that he also partakes in some drugs that are illegal in this state, but not others like Colorado.  It seems his neighbor was a drug dealer, so I guess when it's convenient?  Most of you know that this is not my thing.  
I broke it off after a month.  Yes, right after fourth of July.  I didn't even make it to August.  I told him that I had met someone else.  
He said "What??  Does he have a bigger iPhone than me?  He has the iPhone4 doesn't he?"  (This is 2010.)  
I reply, "No he has a Blackberry." 
He says, "Oh slumming it.  You will be back." 

Arkansas come to Houston

Where did we leave off?  Oh I got bored.  Yes, I have no idea how those people on Catfish do it.  Going on for years and years without laying eyes on their love interest.  I am not sure when exactly I got bored or what caused it.  It might have been when I discovered there were other LOCAL suitors or maybe when I began to discover his lack of general intelligence and stability. (You see when I first began chatting with him he was a roofing contractor, by the time he was coming to visit he was a furniture salesman, that lasted three weeks, he now sells cars.)  Either way, he kept insisting he was going to come visit, after about a month of that, I got bored.  And by the time he came to visit, another month later, I was down right annoyed.  Every time he texts "Good morning beautiful." I throw up in my mouth a little bit.  
He arrives and it feels like an extended first date.  We go to the zoo, then for drinks.  We go to dinner and he is just staring into my eyes.  I am so uncomfortable that I ask him to please stop.  He said "I think eye contact is important.  In relationships, in professional life, in everything."  While I do agree with him eye contact is important, staring is not socially acceptable.  He is way into sales and it seems someone once told him that eye contact was important in making a human connection so he just started staring.  
Side note: I want to let you know that I am paying for a significant amount more on this visit than I would on any other date because he honestly can't afford it.  Being a sugar mamma does not get my loins burning.  
At one point I ask him if he would like to go see a movie, his response, "That will be nice.  I want to make sure you know that, I didn't come to Houston to see a movie.  I come to Houston to see you."  If you noticed the grammatically incorrectness of this statement, it is not a typo.  He did not use the word CAME, in any context.  For example he would be telling a story and say "It come time..."  Towards the end of our time together I almost shouted "YOU MEAN CAME!" in one of these instances.  But luckily I was able to restrain myself.  
At the end of our visit he said "You know I like you a lot."  I said, "I can tell."  And sent him back to Hope, AK, home of Bill Clinton, Mike Huckabee, and this smitten man, who would be my perfect match if I wanted to be worshiped.  

Arkansas

Preface: I have been putting this blog off for a long time.  Just because it is a bit of a long story.  I will try to make it as brief as possible, but know this is in the past.  It is just too good of a dating story not to share.  In fact, I think it's going to be two parts.  Here we go!

About two years ago I went to the Sugar Bowl with Mr. Ex (Mr. Boyfriend at the time).  In that game Ohio State was playing Arkansas.  In the words of my brother, "If there ever was a time when it was better to be an Ohio State fan, this was it."  He and I made friends with two gentlemen from Arkansas our first night there.  Mr Ex suggested I get one of their numbers so that we could hang with them again the next day.  We never met up with them again, but he added me as a friend on Facebook.  Over the next two years we kept in touch over college football here and there.  

About two weeks after I return to Facebook as a single woman I receive a text from Arkansas (who I would not know if we passed each other on the street), but I remember him being nice enough.  We continue to text.  The texts become daily and I am enjoying our conversations  It becomes more and more romantic and more and more frequent.  He tells me all of these nice things "You're so pretty."  We talk about our previous relationships and how much we both don't like being alone etc.  It is very nice and makes my days better.  We even have a few Skype dates because "He is not trying to get 'catfished'."    

A certain ginger friend of mine told me it sounded like it was exactly what I needed at the time.  And I agreed.  A very good self esteem boost.  This went on for a solid five months.  And it was all well and nice until I got BORED...  

Do not call.

Recently, my ex boyfriend has decided to text me late at night when he is drinking.  He has always done this, but it has recently grown more and more intense.  I don't know why.  Actually, I do know why, it is because he knows I am seeing other people and is trying to manipulate me.  He does not like that he is no longer the center of my universe.   I want to be clear and let you all know that I do not respond to these late night texts.  THIS GIRL is worth way more than a late night booty call!  I do not understand why he continues this behavior.  The definition of insanity...and all that.
On Saturday night a suitor of mine returned home from a week long work trip.  I was very excited for his return and eager to greet him with my full attention!  To my dismay my ex begins texting me at 10pm and continues.  I proceed to ignore these texts, but find that they still affect me and my ability to focus on my time with said suitor.  I did not like that one little bit.  
So Monday morning rolls around.  I find that I am angry with my ex for attempting to ruin this weekend for myself and my suitor.  All I really want is to move my life forward and he is preventing that as much as I try to say he isn't, it's tough.  I decide to make a phone call.  After work, I give him a little ring, for a grown up conversation.  I explain to Mr Ex that his texts are affecting me and that I know he is not doing it to hurt me, but it is hurting me and my time with Mr Suitor (certain to mention Mr Suitor of course).  He responds with his usual "I don't know," when asked why he does it and he tells me that he never looked at it that way and certainly doesn't want to hurt me or prevent me from living my life.  We catch up on our lives briefly.  He then agrees to change my number to "do not call," in his phone.  I say "Thank you!  I really appreciate you doing that!"  Likely the first and last time I will ever respond to those words with such enthusiasm.  

Penalty Box

This year my life is about moving forward, onward and upward to bigger and better things.  In doing that I have decided that people who are not supportive of this process need to be punished.  I place them in a "penalty box."  Sometimes the penalty box is glass and sometimes it is cement.  Now the penalty box is not necessarily permanent, but if someone says something that I feel is not supportive, I will not acknowledge it and need a bit of a break from said person.  

I find that in taking a little break from that person, I am able to put their comments into perspective, and more often than not I discover that the problem has little to do with me.  Normally it is an issue that they have.  So I am putting myself in their shoes, in a way that any caring friend would.  

This goes for men in my life as well.  If they are not acting in a way that I find appropriate for someone that I want in my life, I place them in said penalty box.  This may mean that I do not respond to their texts/phone calls right away.  (Advice I got from my father btw.)  It may mean more than that.  But it always means letting them know I am unhappy with their behavior, not in a big way, but matter of fact. This prevents me from holding something in and blowing up later about the 25 things that I didn't like previously.  It also allows me to think about things, put myself in their shoes, and understand where they might be coming from.  

At first I thought the penalty box was about the people around me not acting right, but the more I think about it I find that it is about me.  About understanding the people in my life and the struggles they may have without trying to change them.  Just letting them be, in the penalty box or otherwise.   

Vendor places.

Ven-dor place- noun A particular portion or space in which a person or agency that sells takes my ex boyfriend to eat a meal.  Typically a high end establishment that serves heavy, rich food and drink that is not inexpensive, but very tasty.  

The above term is one that I am sure you have not heard before.  I had not heard it until about 2.5 years ago when I suggested having a Saturday night meal at a place that did not serve from the counter or was not a bar.  These said "vendor places" included anything from BRC to Pappa's even my favorite restaurant, The Daily Review.  Now if it was my birthday we would go to a "vendor place," but before hand the conversation would be "How much is this gonna cost me?" and/or after there would be complaints about how much it had cost.  

So you can imagine my delight when my date last night suggested we have dinner at Fleming's Steakhouse just because it was Wednesday and I wanted red wine.  I was almost down right flustered in the beginning, I think my shock showed, but I relaxed soon enough.  We ordered appetizers, amazing wine, and dessert.  He made a reservation, it was the most refreshing and delightful evening I have had in a long time.  It didn't matter what we ate, I don't think I remember how my steak tasted, but I know how special I felt and how much I enjoyed myself.  I didn't hear a peep about what it cost, only "I had a fun dinner with you tonight, enjoyed the company," because isn't that the most important thing.

What do you say??

Like many women, I have a difficult time saying the word "no."  It isn't easy for most of us.  And this week I am encountering a lot of situations in which I need to be saying "no," but am having a tough time doing so.  
For example, what do you say when someone is sitting in front of you and says "Am I invited?"  Of course, you have no idea what to do and you just spit out "Of course." or "Why wouldn't you be?" or some other thing you aren't really sure that you mean in an overly enthusiastic tone.  I know some of my friends have passed the blame and you have even passed the blame on to me which I don't mind a bit.  Maybe you can teach me a thing or two and I will start passing blame on to you.
This afternoon, my biggest client called me to tell me that she would like to set me up with one of her coworkers.  Now I will be the first to tell you that I love a good set up.  I have met many a good man through my friends.  I always find it flattering that my friends think enough of me to set me up with their friends.  I also think that these people will have similar values and ideals as my friend whom of course has similar ones to me.  The key word here is friends.   I am not one to mix business with romance.  In fact I enjoy dating people completely outside my industry just because I don't need anyone telling me how to do my job.  I also don't want to know if he is not good at his job.  Let's hope he is, but you never know.  I also know the personality types of everyone in my industry.  This gentleman is what we call a "creative," the flakiest of all advertising professionals.  One minute they will be designing your billboards and the next they will be on a tropical island wearing a loin cloth beating a drum unfinished billboard left behind.  I repeat, they cannot be counted on.  So how do you say "Thanks, but no thanks."  In this case, I opted for "Currently, my dance card is very full, but I am always open to meeting new people platonic or otherwise."
I do feel there was a more firm response.  I will work on that.   In the meantime I will try to think of polite reasons not to meet this person.  Suggestions welcome....